After running out of the usual shampoo while giving Lila her bath, I rooted around the bathroom cupboards for something I could use and found this bottle of shampoo I’d purchased at a pharmacy when we were living in Rome.
So this evening, I breathed in the scent of Lila’s hair and was transported back to that time in Rome when she couldn’t even walk, or talk, much less climb the bookshelf or feed herself. Yesterday she was 8 months old. Today she is two. Today she struggles out of her stroller and pats dogs she crosses on the street and sneaks packets of soup into the grocery cart when I’m not looking. Today she prefers this, hates that, wants to do this, refuses to do that. Today she catches my moods and it affects her, today she believes that kissing wounds will make it better. I inhale the scent of Lila’s hair and I wonder where her 8 month old self has gone, does she remember things from then? And do children always have to do that to us, disappearing and morphing into someone more alert and interesting, into a real almost-person, and we’re left wondering if they were ever even babies, little helpless things that couldn’t do much except cry, and did we dream it, and where has the time gone, and what comes next?
Currently listening to:
Bon Iver
For Emma, Forever Ago
8 comments
Loraine says:
Sep 22, 2011
Oh my, my exact sentiment. There are nights that I just watched Benji’s old footage. I never tire of it. We usually reminisce the time when I was pregnant then when he was just born, etc… I miss my baby a lot. He is not the same. I can relate to you…
Happy Birthday, Lila…
kala says:
Sep 22, 2011
Thank you Loraine. To be honest I don’t miss the pregnancy or baby years… I hated them (I know, that sounds really bad!) I sort of prefer her now that she’s interactive – though I could do with less tantrums too. I guess Benji is in the same tantrum stage?
jessi says:
Sep 22, 2011
wonderful the pictures to the text.
and time is a weird thing. I get confused by it with every year I get older…
btw is that good, that book by Ryû Murakami I see on your page?
kala says:
Sep 22, 2011
I’ve just started on the Ryu Murakami book, I’m literally on the first page, but will tell you how it goes. But speaking of another Murakami, I’m still waiting for 1q84. It already came out in French, and it was out in German a long time ago I think, but the English version comes out in October, can’t wait.
jessi says:
Sep 22, 2011
1q84 somehow was hard for me. and I don’t know if it was me or the book that made it quite difficult to get in. I’m interested in your opinion, if ever it comes out in english
Makis says:
Sep 23, 2011
Don’t they grow too fast? Hang on to those memories. The only significant moments you can ever have wherever life may take you…Lila, LiLA, Happy birthday!
kala says:
Sep 26, 2011
Thanks Makis!
Loraine says:
Sep 30, 2011
Yes, he has bad tantrums. He would not ride his stroller. He wants to walk or be carried (he’s heavy. He’s a picky eater. All my ideals of motherhood was thrown out the window. I don’t pursue all-organic diet. I just want him to eat. It’s a long list of complaint. But in fairness, he is cute and I have a lot of fun with him. He is talkative and we are really amazed on how much things he knows. I think you are right this is a more fun stage….