I am wrapped up in angry, stormy and negative thoughts these days. It’s been almost two months that I’ve been alone with the baby, in a city where I have no relatives to whom I can hand her over to for a few hours of rest. I know I should think about my husband who is having a rough time as well, but in my head I can’t help wishing that the situation be reversed. I am losing this psy-war battle of 24/7 babytime. I would love to be able to wake up knowing that someone else could change her diaper, or give her breakfast. I would love to be able to have a few hours to myself. I hate that people lie about visas to appease worries, I hate that people let things stretch until Ramadan, I hate that people don’t care about letting families stay apart, and I hate that we will not be able to celebrate our child’s first birthday together. So this is how it feels to suffocate. I have the utmost respect for single mothers, or single fathers. I don’t know how you do it.
(Sorry, I just need to let it out, and this blog is all I have. But seriously, isn’t it sad to not have the whole family together during your child’s first birthday?)
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But cripes, thank god we have some good news on the music front !!! Listen to Arcade Fire’s newest album The Suburbs here.
Currently listening to:
Arcade Fire
The Suburbs
13 comments
Hanim says:
Aug 4, 2010
Hey Kala, sorry to hear about that, hope you will be able to find some time “off” from Lila and breath again…bonne courage!
kala says:
Aug 4, 2010
Thanks Hanim. I feel like total crap right now. I don’t think I’ll get any breathing time until all this is settled.
Mik says:
Aug 5, 2010
I know exactly what you mean! *hug*
I know it’s *sacrilege* to think it but sometimes I feel like this wasn’t what I signed up for.
Ok now I’ve guilted myself into unthinking that.
Dennise Cinco-Müller says:
Aug 5, 2010
I know how that can be. For all the past 2 birthdays (my daughter just turned 3 last may 28) my husband was not with being away on business trips so I never greeted her on her real birthdays and always postponed it until the weekend when we can celebrate together. The first birthday was still in the Philippines and Karsten was working on a family visa still. Honestly the birthdays I can tolerate but the ‘being the only one for there for the baby ON ANY ORDINARY DAY’ is what sucks. So yeah, I can imagine what that’s like. My husband is not always away these days, but man, he might as well be: starcraft or rather starcrap, has been keeping him oh so busy!
jessi says:
Aug 6, 2010
when I see how much time I need off just from anything, just to have some minutes, hours for me – I might be be able to imagine how tough it must be to have all left to yourself and only you….. home, baby, daily routines, responsibility…. and there’s still your husband, just too far away. sorry I can not help you in any way, my dear.
Makis says:
Aug 6, 2010
Just a little more wait & you’ll have some me-time soon. I’m with you with all the hate there
Keep strong, Kala!
Loraine says:
Aug 6, 2010
i can relate, in a way. i’m glad that my husband comes home every evening and boy i cannot wait to hand the baby to him. it can be draining. i am actually looking forward to work at times. i work every other weekend and my job can be stressful. so, it suprises me to say i am looking forward to it.
fyi benji is actually on my lap while typing this. sorry, i cannot concentrate enough to give you more meaningful comment…
kala says:
Aug 6, 2010
Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement!
I keep on thinking that if I take it one day at a time, and complain less, and try to escape (mentally) to a deserted beach (with marijuana) as often as I can, I can survive this.
Annalyn (manilenya) says:
Aug 7, 2010
I don’t know what to say. When my daughter was in your daughter’s age, I was already a single mother but everybody gathered around me and took care of my baby and me.
I am so sorry to hear that you having a hard time now.
I hope everything will be going smooth with you. i wish you find time for yourself and get relaxed. If only I can babysit for you.
I always do that to my fiance’s sister.
Cathy says:
Aug 8, 2010
Boyoboy, can I relate. Times like these, I wish I were in Manila where I can get a yaya and be with my family. Hope you can get a doobie, it does help you relax.
Jap says:
Aug 10, 2010
Kala, I wish I can relieve you of your duties even for just a few hours. A movie, a trip to the salon or spa or even a cup of coffee with friends probably sound good now and I’m probably torturing you with these images lol But hang in there, better days will soon come =D
Pinky says:
Aug 16, 2010
Hi Kala! If it’s any consolation, given your circumstances, there’s no other way to go but up – things will definitely get better so hang in there! Though I can definitely relate with the frustration you must feel now – especially knowing how things do come to a halt during Ramadan in the kingdom.
kala says:
Aug 18, 2010
Annalyn, wow, kudos to you. I think being a single mother is the hardest thing in the world. Like I mentioned in the post, I’ve nothing but utmost respect for people like you.
Hi Cathy, gawd yes, I wish I was in Manila with a yaya right now!
Jap, thanks a lot of the images of freedom, hehe. But yea, things will get better soon. They should.
Hi Pinky. My husband thinks that Ramadan won’t slow the visa processing down but I really doubt it. Back in Qatar, even the driving schools closed down during Ramadan. I’m trying my best not to lose my mind, though. Hope things are going well with you and the family.