I’ve been feeling so strange these past few weeks. There are so many things happening around me that I can’t seem to keep up. People are growing up, moving on, closing and opening doors. There is the general feeling of push and pull.
Yesterday Julien and I had a quiet day together (Friday is the only day off from work in this blasted country – yep I’m working now, more soon). We had breakfast at Starbucks in Villagio, picked up some groceries, then headed back home for a nap and several games of billiards. We moved again in the afternoon to City Center, where we bought gifts for people who needed gifts. The day ended at 10pm. As we drove back home I stared out at the huge, ridiculous mansions along the Diplomatic Area, unable to say a word. In bed that evening I stayed awake for hours, thinking about what Julien told me just before falling asleep.
“We’re so far away, don’t you feel it?” he said sleepily. “And this -” he held up the comforter, “is not ours, and this,” he patted the bed, “is not ours. We don’t have anything here that we can call our own.” And after uttering something so thought-provoking, he fell asleep.
Like I said there is a general feeling of push and pull, a feeling of gravity and a feeling of bouncing off to outer space.
If I would allow myself to be absolutely honest, I guess I know exactly what is bothering me, but then maybe if I were even more honest about it, I could be wrong. With the long work hours and the long working week, there just isn’t any time to think about things. I’m so behind on so many things.
Currently listening to:
Beck
Sea Change
