It might snow in a few days.
Julien received a little casse-tete for Christmas, those mind-game toys that end up giving you a headache, some sort of Rubix Cube. It’s a jumble of metal circles and curves, and the goal is to remove them from the hollow metal cylinder it’s attached to.
These past few weeks have been difficult. I’ve been feeling so low and so far away from everything – so detached, but then again, as people, we are all obliged to feel this way once in a while.
But the problem with me … the problem is that I magnify things; I put them under a microscope and watch my feelings squirm and wriggle. Or else, if my problems were sky-high I’d stare at them through a telescope, or else, I’d pat it on the head while watching TV, like a loyal dog, or else I’d deposit them in bank to watch them grow with interest.
With interest, without interest.
Not so interesting after all.
But then the meteo tells me that tomorrow morning it will be -4°, and I’ll wake up at 7 as usual and I’ll put on my coat and pull on my gloves and listen to the mp3s I compiled the night before and pray that the music fits my mood for the day, pray that it gets me through the day…
But then I let music dictate how my day will be. If I start with that jangly Nada Surf riff, then I pace myself accordingly, and I feel so good I’m almost in tears as the truth unfolds and they should’ve written the Bible, these fools, they’re right, I can see it all, and I’m okay, I wish there was another way…
Or I become a surfer during the first few Mishka songs. Or else I float in an orange haze, turning circles when I listen to Elliott Smith. Or else I want to disappear when I listen to My Bloody Valentine.
Lord, music is evil. So give let there be more songs.
I think the word of 2005 will be SOLVE.
And I don’t know how he does it.
I’ve been very chin-in-hand-and-sighing-all-the-time lately. And I don’t blame myself. But yes – SOLVE. 2005 will be all about Solving. I haven’t been communicative lately, and that’s because shuttling to and fro work, plus listening to music, plus scrutinizing/magnifying Problems have taken up much of my time.
Everybody Needs A Break. Or Else A Very Large Telescope.
Solve. Solve. Solve.
Like I said, I don’t know how he does it.
Just when I feel that Life is a jumble of metal circles and curves that should be detached from a hollow metal cylinder – something that stands for something Impossible, Unattainable, Unsolvable – this boy that I love fiddles with it for five minutes, and holds out his hands to show me that he’s managed to pull them apart. The fact that he’s pulled them apart stitches me back together.
For a Sunday night, that isn’t too bad.
PS. I wish my Kenyan friend would come back. If you are reading this, Aix is boring without you. We need to seriously start drinking.
